Stories That Stay

French Toast at Daycare: Osahon Tongo on Love, Care, and Memory

• Lion's Story

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In this episode of Stories That Say, hosts Shamm H Petros and Dwight Dunston engage with Emmy-winning filmmaker Osahan Tongo, exploring the intersection of identity, storytelling, and emotional healing. The conversation delves into Tongo's early memories of difference, the role of family in shaping identity, and the impact of food and care in relationships. 

Osahon Tongo traces an early memory—“French toast at daycare”—into a present-day meditation on love, parenting, food as care, and what it means to see “tears in the cape” of a parent.  Osahon also reflects on family, migration, and stepping into responsibility as elders age. 

About Osahon Tongo

Osahon Tongo is an Emmy Award–winning filmmaker and writer whose work blends poetry, image, and movement. His storytelling spans NFL360 documentaries—including "The Chief Who Walked the Sea," "The Flyest Ever," and "The Indelible Legacy of Jimmy Raye"—to feature film projects like "They Cloned Tyrone," where he served as second-unit director on the satirical fried chicken sequence. A first-generation Nigerian American, Osahon draws inspiration from themes of migration, family, faith, and everyday acts of resilience. His films have screened nationally and internationally, and he continues to push the art of storytelling as a way to heal, connect, and reimagine what is possible.

Key quotes from Osahon Tongo

  • “Every slight tear in his cape rocks me a little bit.” 
  • “I used to think love was a feeling, something that happened to me. But now I realize love is a decision I make, over and over again—especially in the moments when it feels hardest to give. That’s where I’ve grown the most, in choosing love even when it’s uncomfortable.”

Resources & links

Osahon’s website: https://www.osahontongo.com/

NFL360 — The Chief Who Walked the Sea: https://www.nfl.com/videos/nfl-360-the-chief-who-walked-the-sea

NFL360 — The Flyest Ever: https://www.nfl.com/videos/nfl-360-the-flyest-ever

NFL360 — The Indelible Legacy of Jimmy Raye (stream): https://tubitv.com/tv-shows/200001509/s2022-e06-the-indelible-legacy-of-jimmy-raye

They Cloned Tyrone (2nd unit—satirical chicken spot): https://www.osahontongo.com/they-cloned-tyrone

Try box breathing (how-to): https://health.clevelandclinic.org/box-breathing-benefits

Stories That Stay is a project of Lion’s Story, a nonprofit dedicated to building racial literacy through storytelling, mindfulness, and healing. Rooted in over 35 years of research by Dr. Howard C. Stevenson at the University of Pennsylvania, our work guides individuals and institutions to reclaim their stories, reduce identity-based stress, and step into authentic inclusion—not as a checklist, but as a way of being.

Produced and edited by Peterson Toscano.
Mindful moment music by Dwight Dunston.
Music by Epidemic Sound.

Podcast site: StoriesThatStay.net

Hosts: Shamm Petros and Dwight Dunston


>> Shamm Petros:

Welcome to Stories that Stay. How stories of identity shape who we become. I'm Sean Petros, a therapist, learning strategist, refugee, and reluctant creative.

>> Dwight Dunstan:

And I'm, um, Dwight Dunstan, a facilitator, educator, artist, and proud uncle. Stories that Stay podcast is a project of Lion's Story.

>> Osahon Tongo:

We wouldn't stop recess until someone got hurt. And it happened every day.

>> Dwight Dunstan:

Our guest today is Osahon Tango. Osahon is an Emmy award winning filmmaker, writer and director. His work spans cinematic storytelling, cultural commentary and immersive media always rooted in identity, legacy, and the complexity of the black experience. As a director and producer on the Emmy winning documentary series NFL360, Tongo has earned 10 nominations and two wins. His standout work includes the Indelible Legacy of Jimmy Ray, the Chief who Walked the Sea, and the Flyest Ever. He's also created content for the super bowl, the NFL Combine and Draft, and more. Tonga was second unit director on they Cloned Tyrone, which is now on Netflix, directing the now iconic satirical chicken commercial. A USC MFA alum and former Georgia Tech football player, Tongo is a Ryan Murphy directing fellow and committed community member located in Los Angeles. So as we arrive with today's guests and his stories, we first want to prepare ourselves for the feelings, emotions and truths that will emerge. And so we want to take a moment to settle in together. Wherever you are, walking, driving, resting, we invite you to take a few breaths just for you. Inhale, exhale, inhale and exhale. And continue inhaling and exhaling at a pace that works just for you. As we listen to an audio reprieve.

>> Osahon Tongo:

Sa.

>> Dwight Dunstan:

Oh Sahan, welcome, welcome. Welcome to our show.

>> Osahon Tongo:

Thank you. Thanks. Thanks for having me.

>> Dwight Dunstan:

I went on your website, so there was parts of the bio. We were like, we could keep reading this and we want to get, we wanted to get the people the chance to learn a little bit about who you are, but also just, uh, really arrive with you and hear from you yourself. And one way we like to just start the podcast is first by asking how you're arriving today, then just on a scale from 1 to 10, how are you feeling about sharing your story today? With 1 being not stressed at all, 10 being like, okay, I need. I might have. Could have used a few extra breaths. Cause I'm feeling a little bit, a little bit stressed.

>> Osahon Tongo:

Um, um, kind of just woke up. So I'm at like 2. Not really. I don't have the time to be stressed. I'm kind of. It is what it is. Y' all are making a safe space for me to talk. And, uh, you know, I appreciate that and you know, I'm kind of open book anyways, uh, for better or worse.

>> Dwight Dunstan:

Well, appreciate that and I'm going to pass it over to my dear friend and co host to take us through the next part of our time together. But so grateful that you joined us and so early too, on that west coast time. Thank you for being on east coast time with us.

>> Shamm Petros:

Based on your bio and what we know about you, what got you to this space, you are no stranger to storytelling. Here at Lion Story, we do base our work around the science of this, studying how we're socialized to accept some stories about our identity and ourselves and even socialize to carry out some behaviors. And most of our research is around identity, primarily race, but also gender and social class, all those matters. We really do see storytelling as an art and science because there's a lot of data in it that we can really extrapolate as well as finding the poetry in it over time. So our work is really around the skills. So even meeting with you, a, uh, storytelling architect of many regards, we do hope that maybe you could pick up a couple of skills. And for us in our work, we always start with our first story, no matter what. And for us, our first story is really asking you to go back into your earliest memory of difference that you can't recall. And honestly, whatever your body responds to, whatever imagery memory comes to mind, first is usually just right.

>> Osahon Tongo:

You know what I think, like, earliest, earliest memory. I was born in student housing and married student housing in West Lafayette, Purdue, West Lafayette, Indiana. And when I was like 2, I moved to Neighborville, Illinois. And then I moved again and again. Probably one of my earliest memories is like daycare center. And I'd be in daycare center. We're playing around. And I don't. It wasn't like a. It wasn't race as much as like. Most of the girls in my class were white and I thought because their hair was down that they didn't have ears. We would watch a Little Mermaid and she never had her hair pinned back. And I was just like, these girls don't have ears. My mom has ears. Maybe they gotta grow up to get ears. But like, none of these girls have ears. I was like four. And then I remember being on the playground. We wouldn't stop recess until someone got hurt. And it happened every day. And then my last thing was like, there's a picture that I remember. I think I remember. I don't know if I remember it because the Thing. But, like, I remember my dad would, like, make French toast every morning or make some type of breakfast every morning before he dropped us off and went to work. And I remember he, uh, dropped us off. And then it was literally, like, I just started bawling, crying because the food they had at daycare was ass. It was so bad. And I was like, this is not what my dad would do. This is not. And it was like, it's. And then my dad, they. I want to stop crying. So then they had to call my dad to come, um, come back. And he came back from work and he, like, made French toast, and he brought it to school, and he cut it up and sat there with me so I could eat it. And I just remember. Just, um. I don't know. I finally, like, was quelled. And I think it's one of those things. It might be a cultural thing. It's like, the way that my dad put love into it and how it was always hot off the skillet. And, like, it was just like, this is how I was receiving food, and this is how I was receiving love in a way. And it's like, it was specific to. I don't know. Cause a lot of people have these stories of their mom. But I feel like for me, this. This specific story was of my dad. My mom used to make cakes from scratch and do a lot of different things, too. But, like, I just remember that loving embrace. So that's probably one of my earliest thing. And I think for me, I was just like. I was like, y'. All. Y' all eating this food, this food trash. Like, I felt like I was that. That guy. So, I, uh, don't know.

>> Shamm Petros:

Thank you so much. Uh, well, thank you. A lot of times we pose this question. I think because people feel safe, they use Dwight and I to process something maybe that was even traumatic or distressing to say the least. But there's times where even these affirmative exchanges. And I would say there's a lot of affirmative components are. Are just as telling, um, and important for us to digest and break apart. I love it.

>> Dwight Dunstan:

The.

>> Shamm Petros:

The white girls at daycare have ears, I guess, questioning or moment of like this for you.

>> Osahon Tongo:

But I remember it was one time this girl moved her hair back, and I was like, they do exist.

>> Shamm Petros:

And you were four.

>> Osahon Tongo:

Yeah. Yeah. Probably four or five at the max. Six.

>> Shamm Petros:

And then your dad with the breakfast, making you, uh, breakfast in the morning. When people tell us stories, there's these wonderful, beautiful details. But sometimes, oftentimes Dwight and I are looking for other Details. I think before you answered, you were smiling. Of course I was laughing. Ah. Like as you were like picking a moment, I can already see like the smirk emerge. You introduced it as maybe not so racial, maybe a bit more gendered. As you're reflecting on these memories, these moments, these encounters, can you name every feeling that you're feeling for us?

>> Osahon Tongo:

Can I name every feeling? Uh, I mean, I think it's, it's a, it's a silliness, it's a naivete, it's a innocence, it's a beauty, Gratitude for my, my dad. This, um, this scaredness, you know, this ah, this frustration. And then there's like a comfort, you know, um, or as I like hop into that moment, right, like right now I'm just kind of feeling like I'm just telling the story and you know, giving.

>> Shamm Petros:

Any of these feelings you think you could rank for us 1 to 10, giving us an indication of their intensity, a silliness, naivete, innocence, gratitude, little scare, slash frustration, comfort me.

>> Osahon Tongo:

I think everything is so distant that it's like there's not, I think, you know, everything is kind of like a 4 intensity. As we tell stories, there's always like a chart, there's a graph, right? You kind of get to different midpoints and different parts of this storytelling structure. The uh, you know, ebb and flow. So I mean, I guess the end of it is always going to be the most intense of it. But yeah, that, you know, that comforting part is probably like the most intense feeling because that's what I'm like. That's the core of it. The rest of it is exposition.

>> Shamm Petros:

Scaling is really is around range but also depth. Right? Because for us, we train people to help, really be able to discern and distinguish between a uh, four and a five and a six. It could be anger, it could be confusion. But when we look at folks who are teller stories for a living or maybe in a professional caregiving position, like a preschool educator, right. We really try to give people that awareness and a distinction because a lot of us are tuned for best, worst, maybe somewhere in the middle. So I love that you're at a 4. And I curious what that 4 and 7 actually is, right for a distant memory and a uh, mostly very comforting memory. To help us get at that a little bit more. I'm going to ask you, with your consent, is there anywhere in your body you feel any of these emotions?

>> Osahon Tongo:

I carry stress in my lower back mostly. When I feel better, stronger, like more, more positive emotions, I carry them usually in my heart Center. Um, usually like my shoulders will relax and come down. And I think that's a function of breath as well, you know, because it's like we have a tendency to brace ourselves and hold breath where it's like, okay, now it's free to kind of move and circulate throughout my body.

>> Shamm Petros:

So as a more positive memory, do you feel it in your heart and shoulders today or does it still feel distant?

>> Osahon Tongo:

Yes, I guess it's in my heart. Yeah. See, heart, solar plexus.

>> Shamm Petros:

And I guess to push you a little further. How do you know you feel it in your heart?

>> Osahon Tongo:

Um, how do I know I feel it in my heart? I don't know. I feel like my heart's open. It's warm.

>> Shamm Petros:

Okay. Uh, beautiful. Um, I like to push for details sometimes. You know, when we work with children, they're very good at details. They'll be like, it's like someone colored it in and left apart. Or, you know, uh, There's a narrative Dr. Stevenson usually shares around working with a seven year old native American girl outside of Chicago. And they taught them the skill and she said something to the likes of. Feels like a bunch of butterflies are fighting in my stomach and they're like trying to get out and they're stuck in my throat. So for us, we, we can never place any judgment or assessment on how or where you feel it. But the details are what we think. Is it a pinch? Is it a tingle? Is it, uh, like a fluttering? Is it a color? You see you set open, so you feel open, your heart is open. When you think of this memory, um, and then in your shoulders as well. Now, kind of to take you back to the content of the memory. Are there any images. And I'll encourage you to take a breath even before answering images that come to mind. And you said something in the beginning that you're not sure if it was a complete memory, but at this point you feel like it is like images real or made up.

>> Osahon Tongo:

Well, I have an image of I had a birthday party at school and like we were like sharing cake and my dad was there, but the French toast was specific. And I think like, that was a specific day. But yeah, I mean, I don't know. You know, you know how like sometimes, um, your memories are super clear. Like when I think about, like when I used to play football, it was very clear, a little dark, was very clear. And when you look at the footage, like, because the, the footage didn't save. Well, it, it looks like everything from like 2008 looks like it was from 1992. Uh, uh, it's just very vintage. And it's just like, why does digital not save? Well, it's like, why does. Um. But our memories can have like a sepia tone sometimes, and sometimes they're very, very clear. And I think part of this memory has like, this like, foggy film grain on it. And part of it is, like, vivid emotionally. Yeah.

>> Shamm Petros:

The, um, vivid parts are the emotion, although they, for you are existing on A four. But that vividness is just like their clear emotions.

>> Osahon Tongo:

Yeah. Like. Well, let me think. Because there's some images. Like I have snapshot images in my head, like, even the taste. And then I know we were watching Little Mermaid because I was like, ariel doesn't have any ears either, you know. But like, as far as. Like. But like, again, this is like such an early memory. Like, you go through so much different trauma in your life that, like, to feel the intensity of it. Like, at that time, it might have been, like, it might have been a 10 at the time, you know, like. Cause it's everything. It's based on your perspective, so. And like, for it to be one of my first memories, I'm, um. Just like, it must have been a 10 every time, you know? Cause like, uh, every time a baby cries, it's a 10, you know? You know, you don't really have. You don't have a throttle.

>> Shamm Petros:

And I wonder how you would react now if somebody gave you some horrible food versus back then.

>> Osahon Tongo:

Oh, yeah, I'd react horribly. No, I throw temper tantrums when I. When I don't have good food. No, that's an interesting thing too, is because it's like a, uh. I get really frustrated with bad food. Bad food and bad movies make me really upset. I just watched Jurassic World, Rebirth, man, that movie so bad. It was so upsetting. It was so. I was so, like, I couldn't sleep because it was such a bad movie. And it really made me sad because it's like ruining a, uh, childhood movie, right? For greed. And then, I don't know, like, I love pancakes, I love breakfast, but if it's not maple syrup, I'm like, you don't care? Because if you've had. My thing is like, if you've had real maple syrup and you've had like, corn syrup, uh, right. What they give us, then why would you ever go back?

>> Dwight Dunstan:

Right?

>> Osahon Tongo:

It's like once you try strawberry jelly, you're not just saying like, oh, I'm going to grape jelly because I like it better. Right?

>> Dwight Dunstan:

Why would you do that.

>> Osahon Tongo:

Why would you do that to me?

>> Dwight Dunstan:

Why would you do it? Right? It's disrespectful to yourself, and it's disrespectful to me.

>> Osahon Tongo:

Yeah. Uh, it was like, why are you. Why are you making us suffer? Right. For your poor decisions. Right. But on, um, the converse of that is, like, when you do have good food. There's one of my favorite restaurants over here called River. Every time I go in, it's like a hug. It's like. It's like the bear in the sense that, like, the chefs are, like, Michelin star chef, but, like, it's not unapproachable. It's like Japanese tapas food. And every dish is, like, got, uh, the perfect sauce, and you're just like, ah. Uh, it is my, like, cheers. It's my expensive cheers. It's my cheers. You know what I'm saying?

>> Dwight Dunstan:

Wow.

>> Shamm Petros:

You know, I'm, like, really curious. Did your dad actually say anything, or did he just do.

>> Osahon Tongo:

I don't remember anything. My dad is a man of very little words.

>> Shamm Petros:

He just does high action.

>> Osahon Tongo:

Yeah, but the way he, um. The way he shows up, because even, like, I. I had to get my knee replaced in September, the way he, like, showed up and was cooking for me kind of gave me a flashback, right? Like, he was, like, cooking food. He's like, the doctor said you needed a lot of protein. So I did all this, and I did. You know, he was just, like, making sure I was, like, taken care of in a way, you know? And I'm hopped up on the medications and in pain and agony because of, like, the surgery. And the way he was just, like, very nurturing is just like. I think that's more of the. The core of the essence of the story.

>> Shamm Petros:

Also, like, bringing it back to, I guess, a more current encounter memory with your parent. Is this a pattern? Like, how he would respond to stress or the need to care for you?

>> Osahon Tongo:

Yeah. I mean, yeah, I think that's the basis of my understanding of parenting. Uh, it's, like, between sacrifice and nurturing now. Uh, but there's certain times where I feel like my parents were, like, sacrificing a lot to make sure that we had. And then there's certain times where I was like, them just showing up in this way. But then there were certain times where I was like, my dad didn't. He's not to throw the ball in the backyard, come to every practice, but gonna, uh, put you in every sport, pay for the lessons, like, go over your homework with you. You Know, saying it's like, playing to different straight strengths. So I think everybody has their strength, and everybody has a different style of parenting. But I think, like, when we're looking at, you know, parents, we're looking at partners. We're looking at all these things. It's like, in dating parents, I don't want my grandkids to have a, uh, Uber Eats grandma. Because every time, like, somebody talks about their grandma, it's like, oh, she has these cookie recipe. She has blah, blah, blah. She makes the best casserole or whatever if you're Uber Eats. And my grandkids, you know, like, that's a horrible memory. It's like, yeah, like, uh, she ordered pizza for us. It's like, Pizza Hut is cool for the auntie that randomly comes into town and takes you bowling, but it's not cool for your mother or your grandmother to be like, that's the fondest memory, in my opinion.

>> Dwight Dunstan:

Yeah. And I would just really hear that juxtaposed against your experience of family bringing food in to the kindergarten. Right. Uh, or family coming to your side while you're healing your knee. I want to get into the. This beautiful thing you said about parenting in just a moment, but I'm just curious as, as we sort of, you know, maybe put a bookmark on that memory that happened. 4, 5, 6. You brought us into some of the images. Any other self talk things, things you were saying to yourself, either that you remember saying as a young person, uh, those white girls don't have ears. It's like one of those things. But like any other, uh, self talk, either that you remember saying, or that's coming back to you just in this present moment. About that early memory.

>> Osahon Tongo:

Not really. I, I. All I remember is being like, man, I hope. I hope someone doesn't get hurt. And then at, uh, recess, because you just wanted to be at recess.

>> Dwight Dunstan:

Recess.

>> Osahon Tongo:

And then it's like, someone's gonna get hurt. And you can kind of time it up because recess was getting long. And then I was just like, someone's about to fall off a slide. And then it happened. And you like, next time, right?

>> Dwight Dunstan:

Come on.

>> Osahon Tongo:

The fuck?

>> Shamm Petros:

What was there?

>> Dwight Dunstan:

Why you had to. Wow. I love that.

>> Shamm Petros:

I love that, you know, that the memory provided comfort of affirmation. Like, it was so protective in a way. You know, you're uncomfortable. And your dad came and changed that. And you describe comfort and gratitude, all generally at a four for this seemingly distant memory at the moment. And you, you extrapolated a little self talk, but more about the Images. If you can imagine Elsahan like redoing that whole moment, going back in time to maybe the moment where you're getting a horrible cold breakfast and you're very upset. If you could redo that moment in any way, would you? And how would it be different?

>> Osahon Tongo:

I don't necessarily have agency in this memory. I uh, I'm. I very much see it from a third person point of view and I don't think there is a thing that needs to be done differently. You know, it's interesting. It's like I don't think until maybe there's maybe two moments in my whole life before the age of like 16 that I feel like I should have done something. Like I really was like, oh, I do my best every day. I do what I can. I work hard. Like uh, you have like, like I don't, I don't really feel like there was any like missteps. I think everything happens for a reason. And like kids cry, you know.

>> Shamm Petros:

Yeah. And maybe thinking about the other characters in that memory, if you can, would you have want them, um, or even curious if they've done moves differently?

>> Osahon Tongo:

No. I don't know. Like, not really. I don't, I don't want to change that. You know what I'm saying? Everything was created for perfectly for this story to be what it is. Like There was probably 20 other days where the food was straight. You know what I'm saying? Every other day it was an emergency for my dad to leave work to do this, you know?

>> Shamm Petros:

Mhm. Do you think the distance you have from the memory is because of time or because it's just like a protective memory?

>> Osahon Tongo:

You know, I think it's time. I think it's like even, you know, it's like I had to kind of mine and find, find that memory. But some of this is more a traumatic incident then I'd probably feel a different way. But I feel like it was like more so it was a moment of receiving.

>> Shamm Petros:

Mhm.

>> Osahon Tongo:

The agency I had in the moment was to voice my opinion through the language that I knew at the time, which was crying. So.

>> Shamm Petros:

And that's great use of your voice in that time and space and it was received. And I think the part of it is like too when we look at how we're socialized right. From our caretakers, what messages we receive and eventually adopt. I'm curious for memories that did go well. Right. This is what we ask people when they say no, this was an affirming solid memory. Would there be a lesson you wanted to Extrapolate from it that you would share.

>> Osahon Tongo:

Yeah, I mean, I think I'm very blessed to have loving parents.

>> Shamm Petros:

You are.

>> Osahon Tongo:

Especially. Cause, like, the concept of it is, like, daycare is where you go to forget about your kids.

>> Shamm Petros:

I just had the image of your dad coming in with a skillet with French toast, and everyone else eating, like, that box soup, the little mini boxes that I was like, uh. And you're just like, see, this is better.

>> Dwight Dunstan:

What, What I'm curious about, you know, his days, his work, calling, you know, what was. What did he do when you were that age?

>> Osahon Tongo:

Um, he was a chemical engineer. He's been a chemical engineer in my whole life, so. Right. So he's worked at. Yeah, he. He's worked at Amaco, bp the whole time. So.

>> Shamm Petros:

Do you think he remembers this moment?

>> Osahon Tongo:

I asked. I told him about it, and he's like, huh, okay. Okay.

>> Shamm Petros:

You know, and if you could. This being your first memory of difference, first story about difference, if you could give this story a title.

>> Osahon Tongo:

French toast at daycare.

>> Shamm Petros:

French toast at daycare. I really see you, like, I don't know why now. The, uh, the imagery is really running a little tuxedo and the whole thing. I only want to hear French toast in daycare, but French toast at daycare.

>> Dwight Dunstan:

I'm thinking about your love of river, you know, this restaurant. And, yeah, we were talking about just your love of, uh, food and good eating. And I'm also thinking about. Someone once said that young people are just the best activists because when they're upset, right, they just let you know, they just cry. They don't have that range. They don't have that spectrum. It's just like, I'm gonna just let you know, this is an injustice. This food is an injustice. Um, and I'm gonna make it known. And food has so much language. And, you know, it's a love language for many people. Right. Like, maybe not the words, but, like, feeding someone well really can show you how much they care. And you said your dad wasn't. You know, it might not have been this person backyard and, um, throw the ball kind of thing, but he showed up in all these other ways. And just how you. Well, breathing into those experiences or just really thinking about the ways he has shown up and shown care, whether years ago or whether in September, if there's any new emotions or different emotions or salient emotions as you. As you breathe into that, are there.

>> Osahon Tongo:

Any new emotions pertaining to.

>> Dwight Dunstan:

Pertaining to. Pertaining to him. Pertaining to him? He's, uh, a. He's a big Figure in this. This early memory, early story.

>> Osahon Tongo:

I mean, my dad's been dealing with some, like, health issues. Seeing him mortal, his mortality was like, do I need to jump to fly home? And my mom's like, nah, he's okay. Blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, no, do I need a da, da, da? And I'm calling him every day to see it, check on him and see how he's doing. And. And it is one of those things where it was like, every slight tear in his cape rocks me a little bit, you know? Yeah, that's one of those things that, like, I'm dealing with because I grew up in pretty much my core family is just like my parents, my two brothers. They had their three or four other aunties that, like, I kind of grew up around, but even then, they were in different states, Seattle and Dallas. Uh, so we were like this core nuclear family for most of my life. So, like, my grandparents, my maternal grandparents died before I was born. My paternal grandparents, I think my grandpa died when I was a kid, and then my grandma just died in, like, 2020. They were all in Nigeria. So I didn't shed too many tears for family members passing right when people were like, oh, I'm going to my grandma's house. Or, uh, my grandma passed. I'm like, damn. I can kind of sympathize that. That might be sad, but I don't really know what that feels like at all. And that plays out in an interesting way too, because most of the funerals I went to were young funerals. Uh, so it'd be like random friends dying. My experience with mortality is very. I don't know, I guess it might be different than other people's because of this immigrant experience, because of the closeness and the tightness of my nuclear family. And then also, like, the distance that I have now because they're in Chicago, I'm in la, you know.

>> Dwight Dunstan:

I'm holding all of that, appreciating, uh, yeah, you just bringing us in. And maybe it's my turn to just a little push. But when you. When you see the holes in the cake, just to go back to that moment, what's the feeling? Is it worry? Is it fear? Is it sadness? Is it nostalgia? Is it fragility? What's the feeling?

>> Osahon Tongo:

Yeah, it's fragility. Yeah, it's worry and concern. It's one of those things. It's like, is this world gonna rock? Be rocked in? How a. How will I cope? What does this mean for the whole bedrock of our family? Will I Be able to step into the patriarch role in our family.

>> Dwight Dunstan:

Yep.

>> Osahon Tongo:

Because it's so nuclear. Right. It's not like it's, oh, uh, you know, there's a net of, like, other family members. It's like, okay, you're the most responsible one now, so step up and you gotta make more money because you gotta do this, this and that. You gotta look after these people. And like, he's the oldest male and out of his brothers and sisters too, so he's the one delegating all the stuff. He's the big chief, you know, the one that's like, this is the land passed down from generations and generations ago that we have to disseminate and stuff like that.

>> Dwight Dunstan:

Yeah.

>> Osahon Tongo:

So it's weird because it's like the way our economy has gone and the way, like, I think the privilege I've had to chase my dreams as the artist also is on the back of somebody who was focused on structure for their whole life. And then as that pillar gets wobbly, you're sitting here like, okay, is this dream gonna die? Do I need to pivot? Uh, the, uh, pressure's on for me to make costs 10 times as much to be that pillar now. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like. Like if you made, if you was a six figure back then, you was a dude. Six figures right? Now you like, burp out. I was trying to get out this one bedroom apartment, you know what I'm saying? Like, uh, so it's like, I don't know, the economy is a skill. Make it kind of terrifying to be the house and have dreams and have a function. I, I guarantee you, like, if I didn't grow up with my dad, I wouldn't be crying for shit, you know what I'm saying? Like. Cause it's like you, it's like you don't have the opportunity, you don't have the space or the room. You don't. You can't investigate your feelings because we got to put food on this table. We gotta do this, this and that. You gotta make it to the league, son. It's like, bruh, we gotta make it. Cause it's like you don't have enough space and I got so much space. And we're not rich by any means, but it's like, I think rich in character, rich in values. Uh, I remember coming out here to la and I remember I was. Went through school, did well in school, and then like, I was like, trying to figure out things and I was just around people who was just popping it, popping Shit, popping shit. And I was like, okay, that's how you gotta be to move here. And then I went back home and my dad's like. And just being around him, saying stuff, he was like. I was like, yeah, you right, I'm tripping. Yep. But it's just this calm and present. He didn't have to say, he didn't have to say anything. He just looked at me and I was like, this is not. You know what I'm saying? This is not. Yeah, you're right. Uh, me maturing into this force of. That of like, discernment, this force of like, okay, you guys are playing. But like, this is it, you know, this is, this is the truth. It's more of a. It's because it's an aura. It's a, it's an essence of honor and truth. Like, Pete, like cowards cower in front of strong people.

>> Dwight Dunstan:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Shamm Petros:

Mhm.

>> Dwight Dunstan:

And I want to bring Sean back in here, but just really quickly, I want to just say, because that was an incredibly rich tapestry of nodes and moments you took us through. Right. That all started with this. My initial was just like thinking about your dad and him now. Right. And you took us, you took us through like, his fragility. You took us through like, what's my role as in the family? You took us through like cowards, coward. Somebody who stands ten toes down. Right. The emotions right now, uh, inside of me, I'm like, whoa. I feel like passion at a, at a 10 and like loyalty at a pride at a 10 inside myself. Hearing you talk. And I'm just really quickly, before passing it back to Shyam, I'm just wondering if you can name like, what's a, what's one feeling you have right now. And then if you had to scale it, let's go from 1 to 10 in terms of intensity. And then also if you notice it, where it lives inside you. So that pride lives in my chest at a 10. Right. I feel empowered, inspired at a 10 in my shoulders from hearing you talk. I'm curious just what feelings alive for you after that story? Some more story sharing.

>> Osahon Tongo:

I think it's pride and Thanksgiving. Um, say like an eight, nine.

>> Dwight Dunstan:

Uh, from where you feel it.

>> Osahon Tongo:

Feel it in my chest for sure.

>> Dwight Dunstan:

Pride and Thanksgiving. Eight, nine. Uh, in chest.

>> Shamm Petros:

I'm curious. You said pride and Thanksgiving. I think earlier you said gratitude out of four. Now maybe Thanksgiving out of eight. How did you notice that difference?

>> Osahon Tongo:

I mean, I think it's more present, right? Like, I think it's just more present, more Than anything. Right. Because if you looked at my talking patterns, like, it started off kind of like me recounting a story and trying to bring that from the ether into the presence. And like the other, uh, when I was just talking, I was speaking string of consciousness. Present moment, the virtue of time being the. The amplifier of the emotion. You know, it's like there's prior Thanksgiving, but there's also concern and fear. Right. There's also those things. But. But I. I do think, like, I feel confidence that divine consciousness is working through and for us. And that, like, the fear is a motivator that can get behind you. It can be gelled and moved around. Right. It's like a energy more than it is like an actual, uh, sentence.

>> Shamm Petros:

Yeah. Especially if you can name it, regulate it, recalibrate it. Those things. Place it somewhere where it makes sense. Right. The fear of the unknown, the future and proximity to these experiences, as well as time as being a big catalyst for how we feel them and how intensely. There's ways in which I feel proud of your father. Never met. I feel in my cheeks. I think it was. It's a really, like, beautiful, like, quiet little revolution. He could have to just really make space for your feelings. I be an African migrant or African myself, so many times you get. Well, you can't be upset about this because it's so much worse. X, Y and Z. Right. Or there's always this nullification or disqualifying or very human, childlike feelings. I feel like sometimes we're not allowed to be kids.

>> Dwight Dunstan:

Right.

>> Shamm Petros:

Because they're focused on building structure. But there was like a little delicacy, literally, with him giving you food, giving you space for your feelings to take up all the space to cry, to feel joy, and to not feel guilty about it at all. To actually be like, yeah, of course this is what I'm supposed to do. Yeah. I think it was really resounding. If we had more time, I would ask questions around how you provide protest or protection in moments like this. If it's similar to your father or different. I think for now, we do have to wrap this glorious storytelling experience, taking us to a moment, affirming moment, to, uh, all the ecosystems of thoughts and even the present ways this comes up for you. Yeah. Also, to help summarize for us, you named the story French toast. At daycare, we have the log of your feelings. But the very, very, very, very first question we asked you is, did you feel stressed about telling the story? You said two. She just woke up. Can you scale that Again. Now, as you've told your story, what's your stress level right now after sharing the story?

>> Osahon Tongo:

One to 10, probably two.

>> Dwight Dunstan:

Osahad, I also know you do some breath work as well. Is there any way that you like to breathe with others? Rest into your breath?

>> Osahon Tongo:

Um, I'll do a little box breath. Yeah, box breath is probably the best thing for parasympathetic nervous system actually working it with others. The only thing is you gotta talk if you're leading other people. Well, I do. In, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four. Oh, nice. Yeah, I like that.

>> Shamm Petros:

Yeah.

>> Dwight Dunstan:

All right, let's do.

>> Osahon Tongo:

We'll.

>> Dwight Dunstan:

We'll follow your lead. Do that one more time for us.

>> Osahon Tongo:

All right, so in, uh, two, three, four. Oh. Two, three, four. Out. Hold. In. Oh. Out. Oh. One more. And, um. Whoa. How, um. Oh.

>> Shamm Petros:

Thank you so much for tuning in to Stories that Stay. How stories of identity Shape us. This podcast is a project of Lion's Story. To learn more, please visit LionStory.org this episode was produced and edited by Peterson Toscano. Music during our mindful moment comes from Dwight Dunston. For our listeners, know that we are here to help you and build a real courage, practical language and skills to navigate these memories with clarity and compassion, starting with yourself. If you found value in today's episode, please consider leaving a review, subscribing, or sharing this with someone who needs it. Your support helps us grow a healing community with practical learning resources and training opportunities for individuals and communities that need the tools and skills.

>> Dwight Dunstan:

Until next time, keep listening, keep learning, and please keep telling your story. And remember, you are your most important listener.